Steve's Ramblings

Just when you are at your highest point, life takes an unexpected turn. I believe that it’s part of God’s plan to make sure you experience many facets of life when you are young so you can survive the real world, parenthood, and eventual old age and death.

I knew that Marybeth and I were meant to be together – I just wasn’t sure of the context. We were, first and foremost, best friends. I could tell her anything and know that I could count on her ear or her shoulder for as long as I needed it. I certainly tried to be there for her as well and believe I was on more than one occasion.

We talked at length about the two of us and where we were headed with life. Both of us made the disclosure that we were heading back to school. I was going to my previous institute of higher education; she was heading to a business school for a 2-year administrative degree. While we toyed with the idea of dating, we knew it would be completely unfair for us to expect that we would see each other while 200 miles apart and on a student’s limited financial resource plan. I believe that we both knew it was a delay to be together, not finality in destiny. She was, after all, my soul mate.

So, we both decided to date other people to be fair to each other… if it was meant to be, it would be.

When I was preparing to go back to school, I met Jane. She would single-handedly help to break the bond that MB and I had formed. Jane was a very good looking 18-year old, also a waitress in the restaurant. There was an attraction that I couldn’t explain. She was perky, was a recent high school graduate, and was heading to the same university that I was in August. It was very convenient for both of us to begin a relationship. Jane lived at home with her mother, the product of a bitter divorce. Jane was also the baby in her family, but daddy had divorced the very notion of a family, It had been years since she had talked to her father. Both Jane and her mother were very self-sufficient, but enjoyed having a man around. I became close to her mom, and enjoyed being the man in the house when I was there.

So, she and I dated throughout that summer, and then headed off to school together. Trouble began soon afterwards. Jane had dated few boys in high school, most of her time spent with a single young man. For some reason, they broke up as seniors and she was flying solo when we met. Her looks were really nice – very pretty, long, blonde hair, and a large chest. Not the kind of girl I had ever dated. I had a trophy on my arm to say the least. With Jane being a virgin, we didn’t have sex to get in the way of our relationship. However, Jane and I finally consummated the relationship because she had waited for the right person and I was it. As you can guess, it was pretty much downhill from there.

Jane was jealous of the relationship that MB and I had developed. Jane and I just didn’t have anything much in common other than the mutual attraction. It was certainly not enough to base a long term relationship on. She became very jealous of my discussion of MB, so asked (told) me that I had to stop seeing MB completely. The most stupid thing I’ve ever done was to agree. I was thinking with my groin, not my heart. I know that I broke MB’s heart when we talked about this, but heard her when she told me that I should never be with someone who asked me to do such a thing. Shortly afterwards, Jane and I broke up in a bitter fight. While we attempted reconciliation at one point, I knew I had grown beyond where she was at the time. Bittersweet memories and the start of the destruction of the relationship with my soul mate.

Marybeth never returned once she left for school. She got a job right out of school in NYC, and never looked back. She and I talked after that, but it was never the same. I asked her to be in my wedding and she agreed. It must have been very hard for her to be there – and I never gave any thought to that fact.

I talked to MB only once after that. She had tried to commit suicide, but was found by her sister. She told me that her therapist told her to break ties with her old life – the painful life. I hate to think that my immaturity with Jane’s ridiculous request may have played a part in her reaching that low point in her life, and that I didn’t find a way to reach out to her earlier. I knew that I wanted to stay in touch but respected her enough to say goodbye.

Goodbye, friend. I hope you find peace.

One of the biggest things in common with MB was our love for music. She was a huge fan of the same artists that I loved – mostly “album rock” artists like Yes, Pink Floyd, and Genesis. Genesis was her favorite, and quickly became mine. I was somewhat aware of their music, but had spent years listening to Yes and Pink Floyd – enjoying the diversity in their music from track to track, from album to album. She and I discussed the lyrics from various Genesis tracks, and the differences between the Peter Gabriel days and the post-Gabriel days into which they were maturing as a band. A few months later, she was able to get tickets to see Genesis at the Spectrum in Philadelphia. Her brother worked at the Spectrum and got the tickets from his boss. She and I had no idea where the seating was, but it was Genesis – so just didn’t matter.

MB drove the two hours to Philadelphia and found our way to the Spectrum parking lot. This was in early 80’s, so there was no strip search as we entered – just folks taking the ticket stubs. As we entered the arena, we found our way to our section – having to stop and ask several people along the way for directions to our section. Finally, they directed us down the stairs not once but twice. We were on the floor! Further direction showed us to our seats. We were in the 6th row – just to the right of center. 6th row, dead center for our favorite band Genesis! This was truly a dream come true!

Genesis was just phenomenal! They played for about two hours, then took a break and played for another 90 minutes. Phil Collins was simply at his best, and Mike Rutherford’s guitar (future Mike and the Mechanics leader) and Tony Banks’ keyboards were above reproach that night. There were other musicians as well, such as Chester Thompson who played drums when Phil was out front, and with him during the instrumental sections of songs and during a drum duo that made the recording of the session.

The whole package – my best friend, the anticipation, the performance – made this the single best concert I have ever seen.