Steve's Ramblings

Just when you are at your highest point, life takes an unexpected turn. I believe that it’s part of God’s plan to make sure you experience many facets of life when you are young so you can survive the real world, parenthood, and eventual old age and death.

I knew that Marybeth and I were meant to be together – I just wasn’t sure of the context. We were, first and foremost, best friends. I could tell her anything and know that I could count on her ear or her shoulder for as long as I needed it. I certainly tried to be there for her as well and believe I was on more than one occasion.

We talked at length about the two of us and where we were headed with life. Both of us made the disclosure that we were heading back to school. I was going to my previous institute of higher education; she was heading to a business school for a 2-year administrative degree. While we toyed with the idea of dating, we knew it would be completely unfair for us to expect that we would see each other while 200 miles apart and on a student’s limited financial resource plan. I believe that we both knew it was a delay to be together, not finality in destiny. She was, after all, my soul mate.

So, we both decided to date other people to be fair to each other… if it was meant to be, it would be.

When I was preparing to go back to school, I met Jane. She would single-handedly help to break the bond that MB and I had formed. Jane was a very good looking 18-year old, also a waitress in the restaurant. There was an attraction that I couldn’t explain. She was perky, was a recent high school graduate, and was heading to the same university that I was in August. It was very convenient for both of us to begin a relationship. Jane lived at home with her mother, the product of a bitter divorce. Jane was also the baby in her family, but daddy had divorced the very notion of a family, It had been years since she had talked to her father. Both Jane and her mother were very self-sufficient, but enjoyed having a man around. I became close to her mom, and enjoyed being the man in the house when I was there.

So, she and I dated throughout that summer, and then headed off to school together. Trouble began soon afterwards. Jane had dated few boys in high school, most of her time spent with a single young man. For some reason, they broke up as seniors and she was flying solo when we met. Her looks were really nice – very pretty, long, blonde hair, and a large chest. Not the kind of girl I had ever dated. I had a trophy on my arm to say the least. With Jane being a virgin, we didn’t have sex to get in the way of our relationship. However, Jane and I finally consummated the relationship because she had waited for the right person and I was it. As you can guess, it was pretty much downhill from there.

Jane was jealous of the relationship that MB and I had developed. Jane and I just didn’t have anything much in common other than the mutual attraction. It was certainly not enough to base a long term relationship on. She became very jealous of my discussion of MB, so asked (told) me that I had to stop seeing MB completely. The most stupid thing I’ve ever done was to agree. I was thinking with my groin, not my heart. I know that I broke MB’s heart when we talked about this, but heard her when she told me that I should never be with someone who asked me to do such a thing. Shortly afterwards, Jane and I broke up in a bitter fight. While we attempted reconciliation at one point, I knew I had grown beyond where she was at the time. Bittersweet memories and the start of the destruction of the relationship with my soul mate.

Marybeth never returned once she left for school. She got a job right out of school in NYC, and never looked back. She and I talked after that, but it was never the same. I asked her to be in my wedding and she agreed. It must have been very hard for her to be there – and I never gave any thought to that fact.

I talked to MB only once after that. She had tried to commit suicide, but was found by her sister. She told me that her therapist told her to break ties with her old life – the painful life. I hate to think that my immaturity with Jane’s ridiculous request may have played a part in her reaching that low point in her life, and that I didn’t find a way to reach out to her earlier. I knew that I wanted to stay in touch but respected her enough to say goodbye.

Goodbye, friend. I hope you find peace.

One of the biggest things in common with MB was our love for music. She was a huge fan of the same artists that I loved – mostly “album rock” artists like Yes, Pink Floyd, and Genesis. Genesis was her favorite, and quickly became mine. I was somewhat aware of their music, but had spent years listening to Yes and Pink Floyd – enjoying the diversity in their music from track to track, from album to album. She and I discussed the lyrics from various Genesis tracks, and the differences between the Peter Gabriel days and the post-Gabriel days into which they were maturing as a band. A few months later, she was able to get tickets to see Genesis at the Spectrum in Philadelphia. Her brother worked at the Spectrum and got the tickets from his boss. She and I had no idea where the seating was, but it was Genesis – so just didn’t matter.

MB drove the two hours to Philadelphia and found our way to the Spectrum parking lot. This was in early 80’s, so there was no strip search as we entered – just folks taking the ticket stubs. As we entered the arena, we found our way to our section – having to stop and ask several people along the way for directions to our section. Finally, they directed us down the stairs not once but twice. We were on the floor! Further direction showed us to our seats. We were in the 6th row – just to the right of center. 6th row, dead center for our favorite band Genesis! This was truly a dream come true!

Genesis was just phenomenal! They played for about two hours, then took a break and played for another 90 minutes. Phil Collins was simply at his best, and Mike Rutherford’s guitar (future Mike and the Mechanics leader) and Tony Banks’ keyboards were above reproach that night. There were other musicians as well, such as Chester Thompson who played drums when Phil was out front, and with him during the instrumental sections of songs and during a drum duo that made the recording of the session.

The whole package – my best friend, the anticipation, the performance – made this the single best concert I have ever seen.

Since moving to Virginia in early 1998, we have met some people whom only one word describes – awesome. There are many couples, families to be more exact, with whom we share so much. Friendship really took on a new meaning shortly after moving here. On the very first day we moved in, a few couples on our street invited us to sit on the street while the kids played and grab a brew to talk. We watched the kids play and instantly made friends. It was that night that we met a couple down the street (see previous post), with whom we hit it off right away. The boys were in scouts and in school together. I will post a more specific post about them before they move. The “going away for a while” party is happening on Saturday. I know that tears will be shed that night.

We have one friend who has been through many changes – a child that died from a mystery illness, a divorce from an abusive drunk, a rebound relationship with another, older, even more abusive drunk, and the development of a wonderful relationship with her second husband. He treats her kids better than they have been treated with their father. This spring, one of her twins (8) had medical problems that were very sudden and very serious. We heard an ambulance coming down the street early one morning only to have it stop in front of our house. Our hearts were in our throats not knowing what had happened. The girl ended up having a problem very similar to the child that died. It was during that time that the mom I think realized who her real friends were. We were there for her day and night, taking care of the kids without her asking. I think she was overwhelmed with the support that some gave and with the support that others didn’t provide. The true friends were there to provide the unconditional support. Thank God, her daughter came out if it with little problems and a much better understanding of why her son died (and how to protect the family from this condition). But, I digress.

The point of this post that I have skirted around is that friends matter. They matter to us and they should matter to you. You will smile more and live longer when you have someone to share your heartbreak, your joys, your tasks, and your downtime with.

We attended another neighborhood party last night. It was the 7th almost annual Olympic Party, held at a friend’s house down the street. There were so many people there that we knew — and got to meet a handful of others. This party was started close to a summer olympic year, and has the wackiest challenges ever. Of course, they are really challenging when you have been drinking all evening. Teams were choosen ahead of time, and all couples were split between the two teams. This makes for a competitive environment. Of course, cheating is not encouraged, but is thought to occur regularly (cheating with the games, not with your neighbors ;-).

The first event was a “get to know your neighbor” event. You had to stand next to two people of the opposite sex and have your hands tied together (strips of cloth were used for this). When everyone was tied up and the game began, you had to thread an illuminated (that would electrified) string of lights in your left sleeve of your shirt, across your chest, and out the right sleeve. On to the next person. Once it hit the end of the line, you had to go the opposite direction, and thread it through the sleeves and over your back. The first team to run out of lights won. Definately an ice breaker!

When all was said and done, I wondered home just before 3:30. Good thing most of our neighbors were at the party and drinking as much as we were!

The hosts of the party are moving to Pennsylvania in the next few weeks. They are very good friends of ours – and have been for the seven + years we’ve been in Virginia. They are probably the closest couple to us from a relationship / reality / work ethic perspective. While we have two other couples that we are really good friends with (and actually spend more time with), these guys are level headed and really consistent with what can be expected. They actually understand when work gets in the way of kids demands, or when paying the bills is not even a question of priority.

Last year, Bill (the hubby here) had a real scare with cancer. It didn’t overwhelm their lives, it was just part of it. I must say that with that, I realized what a great person he is at acceptance of things he cannot change. However, they also realized that they were not to finish life but continue it and change the things they could. Over the past 2 years, Bill has lost 45 lbs., runs several days a week, all while driving 60,000+ miles every year. It’s just what is needed to keep things in motion. I respect that, and will miss the weekend (since he’s gone most weekdays) friendship that we’ve shared over the past 7 years.

Thanks for another great (but final) Olympic party friends.